This is my tenth Song of the Week so it's time for another album special. I fully admit I haven't really thought that far ahead with either songs or albums but there was at least one other album I wanted to feature: The Black Parade by My Chemical Romance!
First up is the song that spoke to my depressed, bullied teenage heart. Before this I was still mostly into pop music: Britney Spears, Steps, S Club 7 and oddly Shania Twain were my usual fare but in the early to mid 2000's things were bad at school and getting worse and I had no one to hang out with outside school (the few friends I had didn't live local and the one that did I couldn't trust by this point) so I would spend a lot of time at home watching the music channels. Most of the time it was the usual pop with a bit of dance and R&B but around 2005/6 the 'emo' movement started to become popular which meant more alternative songs being shown and 'Welcome to the Black Parade' spoke to my soul instantly. The music grabbed me and I found the video a complete feast for the eyes. Soon after I bought the album. I believe it was around this time I bought my Maroon 5, Green Day and Coldplay CDs so My Chemical Romance were really my true introduction into rock and alternative music.
My other big favourite on the album was 'Famous Last Words'. It was another one that spoke to my suicidal teenage self, I wanted to die. I didn't think things were going to get better but I was scared. The line: "I am not afraid to keep on living, I am not afraid to walk this world alone" really resonated with me (so much so that even all these years later I want to get it tattooed) almost because I felt the opposite, I was afraid of the future - still am sometimes at 27 - and I didn't want to do it alone. The only reason I didn't kill myself then was because I didn't want to hurt my mum and leave her alone, and with one almost moment because I hadn't left her a note.
Things did eventually get better, then they got worse and the thoughts re-surfaced, I fought back against those thoughts and things slowly started to improve again and now I haven't had any solid suicidal thoughts for a few years. That's not to say there aren't some moments in time that I think maybe things would be better if I weren't here but there's no action to them.
Thinking back it looks like I've probably had depression but I hate going to the doctors so it has obviously never been diagnosed, same with the likely anxiety I have that makes things like phone calls absolutely crippling and makes me hate confrontations of any kind.
So yeah, a bit of emotional outpouring there... The Black Parade supported and saved me through some of my toughest teenage years and for that I am incredibly thankful, I'm just sad that the band themselves are no more. :(
Stef Out x
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