Recent Outfits

Not an outfit but these were my nails before the Halloween ones. A white base from Maybelline (pictured) with a purple metallic crackle from Avon.

I wore this when we went to look at a new car. Can't remember off the top of my head where my dress is from originally but I bought it from Oxfam. It's a nice stretchy size 18. I can wear it without the jumper but mostly I prefer not to. The jumper is a men's one originally from M&S but bought from PDSA. My mum had to shorten the sleeves as they were rather long. Necklace is a cheap owl one from Amazon.

I wore this Wednesday to visit the new Portishead Sainsbury's. It's very smart and new, I got flowers for being the first female customer (not technically but I don't think the woman had the chance to give them to anyone else). There was also glasses of fizzy orange juice - potentially alcoholic - and they were giving out free bags designed by a kid at the primary school I work at which was quite nice. We did do some shopping, their hot chocolate is delicious. Bigger packets than Tesco, cheaper and Fairtrade so I think we'll switch to buying there :D Other than that it'll probably be mostly top-up shopping if we go to their petrol station. If we're in Clevedon we go to Morrisons garage so it'll all depend on where we are or where we need to be when we need petrol.

One thing that annoyed me was that I applied for a job there numerous times, even went to an interview organised by the job centre and yet I saw people there that I don't understand how they got the job. One woman's only previous work experience is as a cleaner yet she was working the tills. A man who also had his interview arranged by the job centre who - from what I've seen before - has anger issues and I'm not sure if he's worked before and possibly has issues with learning. It certainly frustrates me but I think the biggest issue is Sainsbury's online application. Last 2 jobs, most recent education, references, and then a scenario questionnaire. It isn't complete enough to get a full picture of you and your history.

Top is from PDSA (can't remember where originally), skirt is the same and trainers were from Shoe Zone.

I wore this Saturday when we went to pick up the new car :) It's a silver 2004 Ford Mondeo. It is perfect! Mum loves it, she doesn't love parking it yet XD it's rather large. Dress is from Pink Clove, shirt is from New Look via PDSA, leggings are Lidl - they're comfy but starting to wear a little thin around the seams. Trainers are Converse.

I wore this when we went to visit a family friend in Clevedon. She's been mum's best friend since they were at secondary school and she's my Godmother. We don't get to see her much because she works Mon-Sat and mum's usually working Sunday's but this Sunday mum's week off work had just started so we popped up for a chat and show her the new car. Shirt is same as yesterday, trousers are Evans via PDSA.

I wore this Tuesday (yesterday) to go shopping in Clevedon. We did a stock-up of stuff for the freezer. We're trying to have a bit more organisation and variety in what meals we have. Sorry about the quality of the photo, it was rather dark thanks to the rain outside. Top is from Evans, jeans are from an old catalogue and boots (barely visible) are from TUK.

I was back at work yesterday and I'm already kinda exhausted. Although that may be more to do with the fact that I've got a cold. Ugh. I did think it was allergies at first but I had a sore throat and a cough which don't usually go with my allergy attacks. They're usually 24-48 hours of sneezing and runny nose which comes and goes super fast.

Blogtober Day 29 - Year In Review So Far.

So far this year has been like any other with a noticeable exception. I'll do a timeline sort of thing.

January: I had been volunteering at Oxfam with mum since November and it was fine. She had been ordered by the job centre to find voluntary work, I happened to be there and got suckered into joining too. We did Saturday afternoons. The normal job centre hassles.
February: Still at Oxfam. Did a course which I hated. The tutor said some rather out of line things regarding my weight, how close I am to mum and making assumptions about my mental health.
March: Mum got her job at Co-op so we both left Oxfam. I had to do organised work experience with the job centre so I started volunteering as Sue Ryder.
April: The car failed it's MOT so we had to scrap it.
May: Nothing of note that I can remember. Interviews, job centre hassle. The usual.
June: Did a course on Business Admin. It involved an interview at the end but despite the assumption of a lot of people on the course not having previous experience lack of experience was given as one of their reasons for not hiring me. I didn't mind too much as it was zero hours contract as and when you're needed and thanks to travel I was pretty much limited to two locations.
July: Left Sue Ryder. Someone mum knows sold us a car.
August: I had my 24th birthday. The job centre started talking about threats of full-time work experience at a city farm in Bristol.which I really enjoyerd.
September: I had a taster shift at Waitrose for something called Feeding Britain's Future which I really enjoyed, seeing behind the scenes etc. My job centre adviser thought it was a proper job interview though *rollseyes*. He did get me an interview with Churchill Cleaning Services which has lead to my job at the primary school down the road. The people I work with are nice and the job itself is fine, it's just 10 hours is not enough.
October: Nothing major so far this month. I am in the process of arranging an interview for later this week and I'm currently on half term so no work. There are a couple of other things in the works which I don't want to discuss in too much detail yet.

There we have it, my year so far. Started the same as any other, voluntary work, worry that things will never change, but now I have a job and things are starting to look up a bit - finally! :D

Thoughts on Suicide

I did wonder whether to even write this post but then I thought hardly anyone reads my little - rarely active - blog and I thought it might be a little bit therapeutic.

As you may know I am an unemployed young person. It's coming up to 5 years. I last had a paid job December 2009. I lost that job through stupidity, it's not something I like to talk about and if I do, you know that I trust you, simple as that. Anyway that's not the point. I am also young, just turned 24. In the eyes of the job centre this means you get sent on a lot of courses. A lot. This year I have done at least 3, possibly more that I can't remember. They are all pretty much the same and just as useless as each other.

Two of these courses have featured the same tutors. The first time we got on, I liked them both, everything was fine. The second time was pretty much a disaster. One of the tutors took me aside one day and told me that due to my attitude I'd be unemployed forever, it personally pissed her off because she pays taxes and my jobseekers comes out of taxes (yeah maybe a couple of pence of her taxes goes towards jobseekers to be shared by millions - not just me). Next she was accusing me of being depressed and having anxiety issues - maybe I have, is it any wonder being unemployed? Not to mention the fact that only a doctor can diagnose those issues. She also later mentioned me going to counselling - fuck that shit. Particularly as the service she mentioned said on their website that the process could include medication which is the precise reason I haven't gone to a doctor: a) I don't think I'm quite that bad most of the time and b) I don't want to have to rely on medication unless I really really have to. I take hayfever tablets daily which is annoying enough but I don't want to have something akin to a permanent cold thank you very much.

The next point she made was one of the two which annoyed me the most - worse than speculating on my mental health? Yes considering both are related to previous mental health and one related to society's judgement. Considering I am fat as well as unemployed I think everyone can guess what the problem was. Oh yes, my weight. I am a size 22/24. I am fat. Until I get to interview stage (where people probably judge me for it even if they shouldn't) my weight doesn't affect my job-searching ability. Despite this though she tried to get me to do a food diary with everything I ate until the end of the course. I may have slightly annoyed her the next day when I said I refused to do it. My weight was not relevant to that course. End of. Besides diet and weight aren't indicative of health. I have hayfever and slight asthma and if I walk a lot my feet and joints may ache a little but my health overall is fine. My cholesterol when it was last done was fine, so was my blood pressure.

My mum was fuming when I told her which brings me onto the last point and the main one regarding the title of this post. She claimed I am too close with my mum. The main thing that brought this on was that we were both unemployed, applied for the same job, both attended the group interview and apparently were too together whilst there. This tutor even bull-shitted at me - who was there - that I was seen walking in holding hands with my mum. What. The. Fuck? I haven't done that for years and certainly wouldn't at an interview.

As stated above I am 24 years old. For all those 24 years it has been me and mum (apart from one boyfriend I remember who let me play solitaire on his laptop, I don't know if he even ever stayed over) since she dumped my dad whilst pregnant because he wanted to get married, she didn't. My mum is fiercely independent. Through the years she has been my rock, she has great judgement about my friends, who's going to let me down etc and she's never been wrong. When I was in secondary school I was starting to put the weight on and obviously as a result I was bullied. I was called names and there was one incident where a group followed me down the hill from school chucking conkers at me. That wasn't nice. I also didn't really have friends I was close to either. Everyone had their own groups and I didn't much like my group. While one of the girls is now a pretty good friend the other one was one of those bully type of friends. The most frustrating thing about all my past experiences is that I know stuff happened but I can't remember exactly what the stuff was or what was said. It makes me wonder, was it as bad as I think?

I guess it wasn't as bad as other people's experiences. I didn't have my stuff stolen, I wasn't pushed down the stairs or beaten up or anything like that but to me as a sensitive teenager it was bad enough. The school authorities weren't much help. With the problems with the "friend" our head of year told us to get over it and just be friends. Like that was gonna happen. So I think it was around 14 or 15 years old I felt the worst and regularly thought of suicide. I even had the opportunity once. I'd left school early or something and was waiting to cross the road, it was quiet and a large lorry was coming and I thought about stepping in front of it but I didn't. My two simultaneous thoughts were: "I didn't leave a note." and "I don't want mum to be upset." Over the years whenever I've had thoughts of suicide I've thought about my mum and how I don't want to leave her. She is the one thing that has kept me alive which makes it hurt even more when people say we're too close.

Things at school did improve. My soon to be best friend/girlfriend started at our school and was so friendly that we became quite close and while I didn't really get on well with her other best friend I ended up with my other best friend who stayed with me throughout sixth form, and sadly I think has since passed away from what I've heard. I think it was natural causes but he was suicidal and attempted several times so it may have been that. All I remember is someone shutting down his Facebook account saying he was very ill - something with his heart I think. It wasn't someone I knew personally to be able to ask what was wrong. I tried to send a message but they never responded.

These days I'm a lot stronger. I still have bad days where I think it would be the best option but I battle through and things are slowly improving. But that's not to say they won't get bad again. I'm not psychic, I don't know what the future holds. There's been a bit of controversy regarding the tweet saying: "Genie, you're free." saying it condones suicide. I don't take it that way. I take it as Robin Williams being free from the demons and addictions that plagued his mind for years. For most people freedom means rehab and counselling but for Robin that must have been the only freedom that he could see at that time and we shouldn't penalise a man who was obviously seriously ill.

RIP Robin Williams. You were an inspiration to a nation.

Catch Up + Outfits

Sorry I haven't been around lately, haven't really had much motivation *sigh* I'm kind of back now and thought I'd better do an outfit catch-up. I can't really remember dates/places for these outfits but they are posted in order of wearing I think (I number my photos in my computer folder).

Dress Marks and Spencer via charity shop, cardigan from a friend, apple necklace from Oxfam online shop, shoes are Converse and I can't remember where I got my socks but they have rainbow stars on them :)

Top charity shop, shorts used to be my school trousers, shoes are green Vans and I've had the socks for years. I apologise for shutting my eyes at the exact wrong moment. Didn't have time to retake XD

Top from New Look, skirt was originally a size 12 Primark dress which mum altered :) It's really nice and light. Can't see but shoes are the Converse again.

Dress New Look via the charity shop, leggings from eBay, Peacock necklace is from Avon and the shoes are the ever reliable go-with-anything Converse. Side note I love this dress! It even has pockets! :D

Dress from Evans and of course Converse shoes. I'm so predictable XD This is my favourite dress, it drapes really nicely although it's quite loose these days. Course it was like 29*C *faint* so it was a little heavy.

T-shirt from Evans, trousers from Yours Clothing and shoes from Vans. Hair has also been freshly dyed in Schwarzkopf Live Color XXL in Mystic Violet. Apologies for squinting I think I must have been mid-blink...

So life. Mum and I are still unemployed. I did my trial shift at Brewer's Fayre and it went alright and although it was exhausting and boiling out in the kitchen I quite enjoyed it but sadly I didn't get it. I've applied for several others since but the only one to get back to me is McDonald's and that's a bloody no. Typical. I might reapply though. I just want anything at the moment.

Mum had an interview at HomeInstead to do help within the home, cleaning, washing, a bit of shopping, driving to appointments and minor cooking. The interview was over in Long Ashton which while fairly close to here (it took around half an hour to drive there from Portishead) isn't an area mum knows so I printed a map off of Google. We took two wrong turns on the way there before finally finding it and of course it was pouring with rain. Mum was in there for ages while I sat in the car and read In the Midst of Life by Jennifer Worth. It seems like the whole thing was a bit pointless. The woman told mum she'd have to help with washing and changing - which she didn't want to do and was led to believe she wouldn't have to do by the company leaflet - and she'd told mum on the phone that the CRB check would be a reduced cost of somewhere around £12 which was possibly affordable yet told her at the interview that the full cost of £52 would apply which mum would have to pay (and can no way afford). She would also have to go to Long Ashton for 3 days the next week for training and then would have to go there every week to drop in her client list stuff (I'm not really sure) so mum has decided that would be it. It wasn't the end of the day though, mum accelerated instead of braked going round a sharp corner and if there had been anything going the other way there would have been a crash! I nearly peed myself since I already needed to go (not like there were any loos around) and then we somehow ended up driving home a different way. Overall not an experience we'd like to repeat...

Otherwise things have been fairly quiet except my glasses have also broken :( This image I found on Google is most similar so mine except my arms are a lot thinner and plain black. The bit that is circled red is where mine have snapped. Mum glued and taped them and the lens was sitting alright for a few days but now it keeps falling out so I'm getting some new ones. The Leopard Savannah (very bottom right) from here http://www.selectspecs.com/cheap-glasses/ which is about £12 with postage. The opticians I got my originals from could only replace my frames which would cost £21 but as I've had them since 2009 I kinda feel like a change. I'm due an eye test in October though which means I'll get a second pair of glasses since the ones I want in Specsavers are £69 currently or I'll pay £10 with an NHS voucher.

My last bit of news is that I've joined OkCupid. I've been thinking about it for a while and finally took the plunge :) I'm looking for friends and maybe more although I haven't exactly had much experience with relationships or dating. I've only ever had one girlfriend (and a boyfriend when I was 10) and it's not like it was ever following proper relationship rules. We never went on dates as such... We were friends in school, then best friends and we'd stay at each others house a fair bit, I actually stayed at hers for a whole weekend once, I confessed that I liked her, she said she liked me, we kissed and that was it we were together. I even went on holiday to Weymouth with her and her grandparents for a week which was great. Then we kind of had a break, she met a guy, they had an open relationship so we kind of saw each other still for a while. Eventually it ended, I don't really remember how. She and the guy are married now with a son and I took a long time to get over her and I do still think about her sometimes. Hence OkCupid I guess, I'm feeling the need to maybe meet someone. Anyway my username on there is Summerlinn so check me out if you like, gay and bi ladies only ;) preferably in and around Bristol, Weston-Super-Mare and the surrounding areas but if you're cute and we get on then I'm open to suggestions/options.

Catch Up

I really am terrible at post names aren't I...

So a catch up for the past week or so. Monday I put in a CV at Brewer's Fayre restaurant, Tuesday I did my volunteering. Found some really nice stuff: black leather brogue ankle boots size 9, New Look bird print dress size 24, Red or Dead leather satchel (perfect size) a couple of CDs, a couple of books and some Clarks ankle boots which are a size 7 1/2 yet fit... Quite well actually... Weird. I also found some Yours heart trim tights new in pack in size 3. I tried them on this morning and I think I put them on the wrong way round but they fit alright. I'm not used to tights XD the heart trim seems too high though, I don't think it would be seen wearing a dress. Maybe short shorts though... It's no big deal though, it's just nice to have tights for if I get invited out anywhere nice.

So Mondays outfit I forgot to take a picture of but it was just black t-shirt, black calf-length skirt, black leggings and black Converse high-tops with blue laces. I wanted to look smart because of the whole taking my CV in thing.

This was Tuesday's outfit for the charity shop. Dress from Evans via the charity shop, leggings from eBay and Converse from size.co.uk with laces from biglaces.co.uk. I love this dress, it's so light and airy for the summer weather. It has actually been quite warm lately.

Thursday I had an interview at Brewer's Fayre but no outfit from then: black trousers, blue and red floral top and Doc Martens - they need new insoles though, the old ones were rather cheap and have started to rub on my left foot. The interview went alright and I have a trial shift next Wednesday evening, hopefully it'll go alright and I'll like it. I'm determined to like it. I need some job, any job and at least it's local so no travel costs. There are a couple of other places I will apply to though, the local Lidl and Coffee1 in the next town. That one is a bit of a pain as it will involve travel but if I got it I'd probably get a bike with my first wage and cycle there unless the weather is horrible in which case I would get the bus XD

Friday I was in Clevedon for my Pinnacle People job search group. The weather was a bit cooler so I wore trousers:

Yep the faithful spotted ones again :D along with a top I got from Yours a few years ago, I've lost weight since then so it's rather loose... Shoes are green Vans lace ups with rainbow laces. Mum just came up behind me and asked why am I looking so miserable in the photo... It's my natural face! Smiling looks awkward to me. Although to make her ladyship happy I will try and do happier faces in the future ^_^

I think that's all my news for now. I will be back Monday with the first Shoe Showcase :D

Stef Out xx

Outfit!

EDIT: Just a quick edit to add the Bloglovin code <a href="http://www.bloglovin.com/blog/6897149/?claim=g7z4mjp8q3y">Follow my blog with Bloglovin</a> :)

Following on from my last post I have decided that I will post outfits occasionally. If I'm wearing something interesting that is... Stuff like jeans and my Batman t-shirt or black trousers and lilac polo-shirt will probably only get posted once to showcase a casual outfit in my world even if I wear them regularly.

This is me in all my fat glory in yesterday's outfit (today is a pyjama day) :D sorry for not smiling but I seem to have the whole Bitchy Resting Face thing that I read about somewhere XD smiling is not my natural face shape. Also excuse the pile of pyjamas on the floor (the red lump) the space by my bed in front of the bookcase is the easiest place to take pictures, I can't figure out how to get my whole head, body and feet in though... The bookcase shelf I used is a little high but the next one down even using boxes is too low. My room is light green though I'd prefer purple. You can see some of my many ornaments behind. There are some dolphins, a dragon, a faerie, some horses and some of the owls. They are a minuscule amount of my collection. I have shelves all over my room. I might take some pictures for another post. And of my bookshelves. My books have flooded out of my room to the hallway and mum's room XD.

So the outfit. The top is from Evans when I was still at school, maybe aged 16/17 or so, I remember wearing it on a day trip to Weymouth with my best friend/ex-girlfriend and her grandparents so they could book a caravan holiday for the four of us for the following September. I'm pretty sure that was my second sixth form year as Sarah only did one year of sixth form where I did 2 (trying to pass Maths and English which I eventually did on the second year so third go) and I remember she didn't go back to school with me.

Anyway enough rambling about the past... I don't remember what size the top was unfortunately. Only that for years it was too small but has recently become quite loose - side note I weighed yesterday morning and have lost 3 pounds, and this is without any specific diet/exercise routine - so I'm wearing it more, it's nice and light for the non-summer summer. The trousers are also Evans via the PDSA charity shop where I work. They're a size 26 which I expected to be too big as I have some old Asda jeans in a 24 which are too loose. I don't usually like polka dots, they seem old lady-fied to me but I really like these trousers. They needed taking up though XD short-ass 5 foot 4 here. I think they were designed for someone at least 2 inches taller. You can't see my feet but I'm wearing old Converse high-tops with light blue laces over multi-coloured red, yellow, white and orange striped socks.

This is my face when I was at the charity shop. I added my snake necklace (bought off of eBay for 99p) and a touch of make-up: eyeliner, mascara and a smidgen of blue eyeshadow though it had probably been sweated off by the time I took this on my phone - hence the quality.

I love the charity shop, I always find such interesting things and because I work/volunteer there (2 years 3 months) I can get things dirt cheap or even free. This week I got 4 books (Thud! by Terry Pratchett, Is It Just Me? by Miranda Hart, Understanding Cats and Radio Times Doctor Who) and a little notebook. I also got a dress. Pauline the manager was steaming this red and white striped halterneck maxi dress and I commented that it would make a nice skirt, then Pauline saw what appeared to be a stain (it was actually just a clump of thread stuck to the inside) so she let me have it for free! It was brand new with tags as well, £10 from Primark in size 12. For the fun of it I decided to try it on and the elastic stretched enough to fit round me, though a 14 would have better stretch since the overstretch made a couple of tiny holes... I have recently learned that some Primark stuff is available via Asos and although they only go up to a 20 (and I'm usually a 24-ish though I have got as low as 18 in my wardrobe) after this experiment I'd be inclined to try their stuff. Particularly as it's all so cheap.

So yeah I'm going to get mum to make the dress into a maxi skirt, she should be able to do it fairly quickly. After that it's just my jumper needs finishing... I have this men's jumper from H&M (if I recall) which fits perfectly slouchy on the body but the sleeves are so long I have to turn them about 3 times which looks scruffy. Mum has taken the sleeves off to shorten them but that's as far as she got which didn't matter as we had those couple of weeks of sunshine but then it went miserable and today it's back to sun. I think British weather is bipolar with more downs than ups. Though from what I know from friends in Europe, Canada and America it's been the same everywhere. Wintery-type weather lasting longer than normal. It's odd...

Here have a manicure, excuse the awful skin. I have a tendency to pick at the skin round my nails, my right hand is the worst currently. Both varnishes are by Avon. Nailwear Pro+ in Starry Sky (silver) and Mosaic Effects in Plum Illusion (purple crackle). Covered by an ancient clear topcoat.

So coming up on the blog. Shoe Showcase where I show you the shoes I own and review them for comfort, things that could be improved etc. Unfortunately I only own one pair of girly shoes and they were a lucky charity shop finds. Generally I prefer the look of Converse, Dr Martens etc over stiletto heels anyway but I am very limited by the fact that I have size UK 9 feet. They are also fairly wide though not as wide as the wide fitting some companies do (example some Evans biker boots I had, can't remember what width they were but they were too wide and kept falling off), my feet are also flat and turn out which leads to a lot of issues with comfort. Also coming up... More outfits I guess, and showing you my room and all my books.

I am going to try to be more of a blogger. I want to up my confidence and I often read on blogs that their blogs have helped that. I want to showcase my thoughts more. E.g. Family and Friends. My dreams. Wishlists as well.

Stef Out xx

Life

Unsurprisingly things haven't changed. I'm still unemployed. So is mum. I had an interview at Sports Direct which I didn't get and way back at the end of April I had an interview at Greggs which I'm gonna assume I didn't get as they haven't bothered telling me. I did ring them once and they said there had been a delay up at head office and I'd hear in a few days. We are now several weeks later so I might ring them again this week and have a bit of a rant about their shitty treatment of the whole thing. Especially as it says on their recruitment website (which they call Greggs Family hmph) that they will get in touch within 7 days and if there's a delay we will let you know. There hasn't been any change on my account section of their website either. It's very frustrating.

Other than that I've applied at Co-op but they haven't been in touch yet and mum and I had a dual interview for a cleaning company and it went well and the guy - Phil - said he was gonna ring the following Tuesday (presumably with formalities and some jobs for us to do as a tester) which he never did so mum rang him last week and apparently he was on holiday so she's gonna ring again this week. I hope something does go alright there as it seems like nice enjoyable work. Flexible hours, pay from something like £7.40 an hour which is pretty good considering minimum wage is £6.31.

To think something like that we never would have been able to apply for previously as these kinds of jobs usually require a car which before May we didn't have. We got a mini-loan from Provident (not a payday loan. It's payable over a year although you do end up paying back double pretty much on the 36% interest or whatever it is) and managed to find a nice little Citroen Saxo for £320. It needed Tax but MOT is until February. Meet Ruby:

Also our flaky friend Hattie sneezing. She took us to see the car and then her dad drove it home for us as it was all the way over in Keynsham (and we're in Portishead) and mum hadn't driven for 11 years or so. We had a car when I was 11 in the first year of secondary school and I'm now 22 almost 23.

This is mum sitting in Ruby :D She's a cheery soul hey? Always smiling. Well not so much these days with the whole job situation and the job centre ragging on at her all the time. They'd led her to believe this 2 day course thing a few weeks back was optional yet today they were going on at her because she couldn't go (couldn't afford to plus she had a meeting in Weston on one of the days and we were meant to go to the dentist the other day had it not been cancelled same day). Annoying.

Here's a recent picture of me - not as cheery as mum XD. Sat in Ruby while waiting for mum at the job centre. One of those rare sunny days we had before the rain set in again -_- my hair is growing nicely since shaving it in February. I did plan on keeping my natural colour but I caved fairly quickly. The idea is for it to get to shoulder length-ish maybe cut a blunt bob type style so it's all one length as it's kind of here there and everywhere at the moment... Grow it some more and once it's long enough - maybe somewhere past my shoulders - and then rope mum into helping me dreadlock it. Somewhere in between I'm going to bleach it and try and get it proper purple. Possibly with temporary dye (Special Effects, Directions or Manic Panic) but most likely with a shop bought dye. I usually use Schwarzkopf Live Color XXL in Mystic Violet http://www.amazon.co.uk/Schwarzkopf-Live-Color-Mystic-Violet/dp/B001RYUE5O/ref=pd_sim_sbs_beauty_15 but I'd like to try L'Oreal Paris Feria in Violet Vendetta http://www.amazon.co.uk/LOreal-Paris-Feria-Violet-Vendetta/dp/B009WNYL8I/ref=sr_1_1?s=beauty&ie=UTF8&qid=1371491848&sr=1-1&keywords=feria+violet+vendetta all I know is that I want it to be as long-lasting and low maintenance as possible. Oddly despite purple being a less natural colour it lasts way longer than red (which is what I used to dye my hair). No matter as purple is my soul colour hair-wise.

Anyway this has gotten a bit rambling so I'm going to finish up now. I'm going to try and be more active here, maybe post some outfits occasionally. Shock horror! My fat body on show to the world!

Stef Out xx

Giveaway Promontion + Small Update

The main purpose of this post is to promote Messy Carla's giveaway to win Asos vouchers http://messycarla.blogspot.co.uk/2013/04/giveaway-win-asos-vouchers-uk-only.html#comment-form by linking it here I get extra entries and I really want to win :)

I could do with some cheering up. Mum did lose her job so she's signing on now. She's gonna ring someone and maybe write a letter to appeal it as she feels she was unfairly dismissed. She needn't have lost her job since another guy told a customer to fuck off and he kept his job. It doesn't tally.

Perhaps understandably I didn't get my job there but I am going to reapply in a few weeks to a couple of months. I kind of really want the job now just to piss them off. Get rid of mum, get me instead, you ain't getting rid of this family.

Other than that things have been quiet around here. I've been applying for stuff (well one thing if I'm really honest). It's just being bothered. It's been so dismal lately I've been feeling a bit down. The weather looks like it might be improving though, it's sunny today but still cold and apparently it's gonna get warmer next week so that'll be good.

Stef out xx

Bit of a Mess

So everything is a bit of a mess at the moment. As you may probably not know I've been unemployed for almost three and a half years with intermittent voluntary work between, I've been volunteering at the local PDSA charity shop for nearly two years now and before that I was at the Oxfam hub where they upload stuff onto here http://www.oxfam.org.uk/shop for four months.

Anyway recently I decided to finally bite the bullet and apply to McDonalds. A place I have previously been dead set against working (I'm not the biggest fan of fast food, I prefer simple stuff) but my mum works there and seems to enjoy and a friend we have is a manager there and I feel like I'm missing out on interesting stuff so I applied. Wednesday the 20th I had an interview. From what Hattie (our friend) said interviews our usually with the main manager Andy or a shift manager and usually take about an hour and involve some test work on front counter or window 2. Instead I was in with a very unprepared shift manager for about 5 minutes. He said my requirement of working days was unrealistic and I needed to be available 5am to close or there was no point continuing, he made me feel uncomfortable and like I was a nuisance and an inconvenience and that I'll need to come in sometime for a second interview with Andy.

So I wasn't feeling hopeful in the first place but then Friday happened. It's the start of the Easter holidays so it's busy and there are a lot of kids in. A group of teenage boys were being messy, rude and noisy so mum had them kicked out. Obviously they were pissed so they were making comments on their way and mum gave into her inner teenager and gave them the finger. They sniggered but one obviously went home and told his mummy who reported mum and of course she'd been caught on camera and now she's been suspended (paid thankfully) and has to go to a meeting Monday at 11am. The problem is mum is saying she'd rather get sacked than apologise, plus this is likely to impact negatively on my job application and mum works in the same general industry as me (retail) and if we both apply for the same job she's more likely to get it thanks to more experience and a general bubblier personality.

I just think it's incredibly unfair that she'd do something like this and not think about the consequences to her job or me. She just doesn't appear to give a shit that I want no need a job. Preferably this one so I can tell the job centre to fuck off. Or if I hate it I just need to stick it out until Sainsbury's opens - although that's not likely to be until next year.

So yeah feeling a bit crap at the moment.

EDIT: Feeling a bit more hopeful as mum told me that two other members of staff were suspended fairly recently, one for suspected theft, the other for something relating to a customer and they both got off. It's still not certain though as they aren't that fond of mum due to arguments over hours, balloons (mum is globophobic) and name badges... We'll see. I'll try and remember to update when I know more.