Blogtober Day 29 - Year In Review So Far.

So far this year has been like any other with a noticeable exception. I'll do a timeline sort of thing.

January: I had been volunteering at Oxfam with mum since November and it was fine. She had been ordered by the job centre to find voluntary work, I happened to be there and got suckered into joining too. We did Saturday afternoons. The normal job centre hassles.
February: Still at Oxfam. Did a course which I hated. The tutor said some rather out of line things regarding my weight, how close I am to mum and making assumptions about my mental health.
March: Mum got her job at Co-op so we both left Oxfam. I had to do organised work experience with the job centre so I started volunteering as Sue Ryder.
April: The car failed it's MOT so we had to scrap it.
May: Nothing of note that I can remember. Interviews, job centre hassle. The usual.
June: Did a course on Business Admin. It involved an interview at the end but despite the assumption of a lot of people on the course not having previous experience lack of experience was given as one of their reasons for not hiring me. I didn't mind too much as it was zero hours contract as and when you're needed and thanks to travel I was pretty much limited to two locations.
July: Left Sue Ryder. Someone mum knows sold us a car.
August: I had my 24th birthday. The job centre started talking about threats of full-time work experience at a city farm in Bristol.which I really enjoyerd.
September: I had a taster shift at Waitrose for something called Feeding Britain's Future which I really enjoyed, seeing behind the scenes etc. My job centre adviser thought it was a proper job interview though *rollseyes*. He did get me an interview with Churchill Cleaning Services which has lead to my job at the primary school down the road. The people I work with are nice and the job itself is fine, it's just 10 hours is not enough.
October: Nothing major so far this month. I am in the process of arranging an interview for later this week and I'm currently on half term so no work. There are a couple of other things in the works which I don't want to discuss in too much detail yet.

There we have it, my year so far. Started the same as any other, voluntary work, worry that things will never change, but now I have a job and things are starting to look up a bit - finally! :D

Blogtober Day 20 - A Letter To Your Younger Self.

Dear 10 year old Stefanie,

You may think things are a bit rubbish at the moment, your best friend moved away, you broke up with your other best friend, you're scared about Secondary School but don't worry.

You will make good friends in the future and eventually in the years to come one of them will be your girlfriend. Yep, you're gay. Really you/we are a bit of an idiot not to have figured it out sooner what with liking unavailable guys and being friends with the weird guys - believe me they are weird, but also kinda awesome. One guy you never thought you'd be friends with because he's *gasp* disabled but you are totally compatible and even have a crush on the same actress from Home and Away - Tammin Sursok. We spend hours Googling pictures of her in a bikini rather than doing our Travel and Tourism coursework - hence why we fail XD

Tammin Sursok

School is generally a bit rubbish. You have a few issues with bullies. One of those is actually your 'friend'. She's a manipulative bitch. The other girl in the trio you're still friends with, she's alright and mum likes her. Your mum has very good instincts regarding your friends, you should listen to her. The saddest thing about the bullying is that you miss a lot of school, get behind and fail some exams meaning everything is delayed by 2 years while you pass them. You wanted to do A-Levels and then go on to do more at college and maybe even University. As it turns out you manage no A-Levels and only a year at college and you're still bitter and annoyed about it. You could have been doing so much more. *Sigh* that's the way it is sometimes.

Despite your fears about it you are never bullied for being gay although that rumour about your mum is slightly gross, weird and frustrating. It's always been the fat. You're still fat but it's not a big deal anymore. Overall what I'm trying to say is you end up feeling better about a lot of stuff. Sure life didn't turn out how you expected but it's not necessarily bad, just difficult sometimes. You aren't suicidal anymore - yeah that happened around age 14/15? The thoughts do pop up occasionally but you are stronger and you deal with it better.

Keep your chin up kid.

Sincerely,

24 year old Stefanie

Catch Up + Outfits

Sorry I haven't been around lately, haven't really had much motivation *sigh* I'm kind of back now and thought I'd better do an outfit catch-up. I can't really remember dates/places for these outfits but they are posted in order of wearing I think (I number my photos in my computer folder).

Dress Marks and Spencer via charity shop, cardigan from a friend, apple necklace from Oxfam online shop, shoes are Converse and I can't remember where I got my socks but they have rainbow stars on them :)

Top charity shop, shorts used to be my school trousers, shoes are green Vans and I've had the socks for years. I apologise for shutting my eyes at the exact wrong moment. Didn't have time to retake XD

Top from New Look, skirt was originally a size 12 Primark dress which mum altered :) It's really nice and light. Can't see but shoes are the Converse again.

Dress New Look via the charity shop, leggings from eBay, Peacock necklace is from Avon and the shoes are the ever reliable go-with-anything Converse. Side note I love this dress! It even has pockets! :D

Dress from Evans and of course Converse shoes. I'm so predictable XD This is my favourite dress, it drapes really nicely although it's quite loose these days. Course it was like 29*C *faint* so it was a little heavy.

T-shirt from Evans, trousers from Yours Clothing and shoes from Vans. Hair has also been freshly dyed in Schwarzkopf Live Color XXL in Mystic Violet. Apologies for squinting I think I must have been mid-blink...

So life. Mum and I are still unemployed. I did my trial shift at Brewer's Fayre and it went alright and although it was exhausting and boiling out in the kitchen I quite enjoyed it but sadly I didn't get it. I've applied for several others since but the only one to get back to me is McDonald's and that's a bloody no. Typical. I might reapply though. I just want anything at the moment.

Mum had an interview at HomeInstead to do help within the home, cleaning, washing, a bit of shopping, driving to appointments and minor cooking. The interview was over in Long Ashton which while fairly close to here (it took around half an hour to drive there from Portishead) isn't an area mum knows so I printed a map off of Google. We took two wrong turns on the way there before finally finding it and of course it was pouring with rain. Mum was in there for ages while I sat in the car and read In the Midst of Life by Jennifer Worth. It seems like the whole thing was a bit pointless. The woman told mum she'd have to help with washing and changing - which she didn't want to do and was led to believe she wouldn't have to do by the company leaflet - and she'd told mum on the phone that the CRB check would be a reduced cost of somewhere around £12 which was possibly affordable yet told her at the interview that the full cost of £52 would apply which mum would have to pay (and can no way afford). She would also have to go to Long Ashton for 3 days the next week for training and then would have to go there every week to drop in her client list stuff (I'm not really sure) so mum has decided that would be it. It wasn't the end of the day though, mum accelerated instead of braked going round a sharp corner and if there had been anything going the other way there would have been a crash! I nearly peed myself since I already needed to go (not like there were any loos around) and then we somehow ended up driving home a different way. Overall not an experience we'd like to repeat...

Otherwise things have been fairly quiet except my glasses have also broken :( This image I found on Google is most similar so mine except my arms are a lot thinner and plain black. The bit that is circled red is where mine have snapped. Mum glued and taped them and the lens was sitting alright for a few days but now it keeps falling out so I'm getting some new ones. The Leopard Savannah (very bottom right) from here http://www.selectspecs.com/cheap-glasses/ which is about £12 with postage. The opticians I got my originals from could only replace my frames which would cost £21 but as I've had them since 2009 I kinda feel like a change. I'm due an eye test in October though which means I'll get a second pair of glasses since the ones I want in Specsavers are £69 currently or I'll pay £10 with an NHS voucher.

My last bit of news is that I've joined OkCupid. I've been thinking about it for a while and finally took the plunge :) I'm looking for friends and maybe more although I haven't exactly had much experience with relationships or dating. I've only ever had one girlfriend (and a boyfriend when I was 10) and it's not like it was ever following proper relationship rules. We never went on dates as such... We were friends in school, then best friends and we'd stay at each others house a fair bit, I actually stayed at hers for a whole weekend once, I confessed that I liked her, she said she liked me, we kissed and that was it we were together. I even went on holiday to Weymouth with her and her grandparents for a week which was great. Then we kind of had a break, she met a guy, they had an open relationship so we kind of saw each other still for a while. Eventually it ended, I don't really remember how. She and the guy are married now with a son and I took a long time to get over her and I do still think about her sometimes. Hence OkCupid I guess, I'm feeling the need to maybe meet someone. Anyway my username on there is Summerlinn so check me out if you like, gay and bi ladies only ;) preferably in and around Bristol, Weston-Super-Mare and the surrounding areas but if you're cute and we get on then I'm open to suggestions/options.

Life

Unsurprisingly things haven't changed. I'm still unemployed. So is mum. I had an interview at Sports Direct which I didn't get and way back at the end of April I had an interview at Greggs which I'm gonna assume I didn't get as they haven't bothered telling me. I did ring them once and they said there had been a delay up at head office and I'd hear in a few days. We are now several weeks later so I might ring them again this week and have a bit of a rant about their shitty treatment of the whole thing. Especially as it says on their recruitment website (which they call Greggs Family hmph) that they will get in touch within 7 days and if there's a delay we will let you know. There hasn't been any change on my account section of their website either. It's very frustrating.

Other than that I've applied at Co-op but they haven't been in touch yet and mum and I had a dual interview for a cleaning company and it went well and the guy - Phil - said he was gonna ring the following Tuesday (presumably with formalities and some jobs for us to do as a tester) which he never did so mum rang him last week and apparently he was on holiday so she's gonna ring again this week. I hope something does go alright there as it seems like nice enjoyable work. Flexible hours, pay from something like £7.40 an hour which is pretty good considering minimum wage is £6.31.

To think something like that we never would have been able to apply for previously as these kinds of jobs usually require a car which before May we didn't have. We got a mini-loan from Provident (not a payday loan. It's payable over a year although you do end up paying back double pretty much on the 36% interest or whatever it is) and managed to find a nice little Citroen Saxo for £320. It needed Tax but MOT is until February. Meet Ruby:

Also our flaky friend Hattie sneezing. She took us to see the car and then her dad drove it home for us as it was all the way over in Keynsham (and we're in Portishead) and mum hadn't driven for 11 years or so. We had a car when I was 11 in the first year of secondary school and I'm now 22 almost 23.

This is mum sitting in Ruby :D She's a cheery soul hey? Always smiling. Well not so much these days with the whole job situation and the job centre ragging on at her all the time. They'd led her to believe this 2 day course thing a few weeks back was optional yet today they were going on at her because she couldn't go (couldn't afford to plus she had a meeting in Weston on one of the days and we were meant to go to the dentist the other day had it not been cancelled same day). Annoying.

Here's a recent picture of me - not as cheery as mum XD. Sat in Ruby while waiting for mum at the job centre. One of those rare sunny days we had before the rain set in again -_- my hair is growing nicely since shaving it in February. I did plan on keeping my natural colour but I caved fairly quickly. The idea is for it to get to shoulder length-ish maybe cut a blunt bob type style so it's all one length as it's kind of here there and everywhere at the moment... Grow it some more and once it's long enough - maybe somewhere past my shoulders - and then rope mum into helping me dreadlock it. Somewhere in between I'm going to bleach it and try and get it proper purple. Possibly with temporary dye (Special Effects, Directions or Manic Panic) but most likely with a shop bought dye. I usually use Schwarzkopf Live Color XXL in Mystic Violet http://www.amazon.co.uk/Schwarzkopf-Live-Color-Mystic-Violet/dp/B001RYUE5O/ref=pd_sim_sbs_beauty_15 but I'd like to try L'Oreal Paris Feria in Violet Vendetta http://www.amazon.co.uk/LOreal-Paris-Feria-Violet-Vendetta/dp/B009WNYL8I/ref=sr_1_1?s=beauty&ie=UTF8&qid=1371491848&sr=1-1&keywords=feria+violet+vendetta all I know is that I want it to be as long-lasting and low maintenance as possible. Oddly despite purple being a less natural colour it lasts way longer than red (which is what I used to dye my hair). No matter as purple is my soul colour hair-wise.

Anyway this has gotten a bit rambling so I'm going to finish up now. I'm going to try and be more active here, maybe post some outfits occasionally. Shock horror! My fat body on show to the world!

Stef Out xx

Giveaway Promontion + Small Update

The main purpose of this post is to promote Messy Carla's giveaway to win Asos vouchers http://messycarla.blogspot.co.uk/2013/04/giveaway-win-asos-vouchers-uk-only.html#comment-form by linking it here I get extra entries and I really want to win :)

I could do with some cheering up. Mum did lose her job so she's signing on now. She's gonna ring someone and maybe write a letter to appeal it as she feels she was unfairly dismissed. She needn't have lost her job since another guy told a customer to fuck off and he kept his job. It doesn't tally.

Perhaps understandably I didn't get my job there but I am going to reapply in a few weeks to a couple of months. I kind of really want the job now just to piss them off. Get rid of mum, get me instead, you ain't getting rid of this family.

Other than that things have been quiet around here. I've been applying for stuff (well one thing if I'm really honest). It's just being bothered. It's been so dismal lately I've been feeling a bit down. The weather looks like it might be improving though, it's sunny today but still cold and apparently it's gonna get warmer next week so that'll be good.

Stef out xx

Bit of a Mess

So everything is a bit of a mess at the moment. As you may probably not know I've been unemployed for almost three and a half years with intermittent voluntary work between, I've been volunteering at the local PDSA charity shop for nearly two years now and before that I was at the Oxfam hub where they upload stuff onto here http://www.oxfam.org.uk/shop for four months.

Anyway recently I decided to finally bite the bullet and apply to McDonalds. A place I have previously been dead set against working (I'm not the biggest fan of fast food, I prefer simple stuff) but my mum works there and seems to enjoy and a friend we have is a manager there and I feel like I'm missing out on interesting stuff so I applied. Wednesday the 20th I had an interview. From what Hattie (our friend) said interviews our usually with the main manager Andy or a shift manager and usually take about an hour and involve some test work on front counter or window 2. Instead I was in with a very unprepared shift manager for about 5 minutes. He said my requirement of working days was unrealistic and I needed to be available 5am to close or there was no point continuing, he made me feel uncomfortable and like I was a nuisance and an inconvenience and that I'll need to come in sometime for a second interview with Andy.

So I wasn't feeling hopeful in the first place but then Friday happened. It's the start of the Easter holidays so it's busy and there are a lot of kids in. A group of teenage boys were being messy, rude and noisy so mum had them kicked out. Obviously they were pissed so they were making comments on their way and mum gave into her inner teenager and gave them the finger. They sniggered but one obviously went home and told his mummy who reported mum and of course she'd been caught on camera and now she's been suspended (paid thankfully) and has to go to a meeting Monday at 11am. The problem is mum is saying she'd rather get sacked than apologise, plus this is likely to impact negatively on my job application and mum works in the same general industry as me (retail) and if we both apply for the same job she's more likely to get it thanks to more experience and a general bubblier personality.

I just think it's incredibly unfair that she'd do something like this and not think about the consequences to her job or me. She just doesn't appear to give a shit that I want no need a job. Preferably this one so I can tell the job centre to fuck off. Or if I hate it I just need to stick it out until Sainsbury's opens - although that's not likely to be until next year.

So yeah feeling a bit crap at the moment.

EDIT: Feeling a bit more hopeful as mum told me that two other members of staff were suspended fairly recently, one for suspected theft, the other for something relating to a customer and they both got off. It's still not certain though as they aren't that fond of mum due to arguments over hours, balloons (mum is globophobic) and name badges... We'll see. I'll try and remember to update when I know more.