Book Review: Skylarks by Karen Gregory

Ebook provided by NetGalley for review. Thank you.

It is so rare to see lesbian relationships in YA fiction so this was a treat and beautifully written. I loved the kind of Romeo and Juliet vibe that Joni and Annabel had going on, though their relationship was very sweet in some moments I can understand why it may not work long-term.

The story was shockingly real and worryingly plausible. I know that feeling of having to scrape your last pennies together for loo roll, it's demoralising and you do feel weird and maybe defensive around people with money. Thankfully for me that's currently the past but things can change so quickly. At the same time I did also feel bad for Annabel with her having parents that cared more about her achievements then her feelings.

There were a couple of niggles though, Joni just assumes Annabel is gay because of the whole kissing girls thing, bisexual is again forgotten as an option, especially as the pair didn't discuss past relationships, how they realised etc at all. Also personally I would have preferred that it didn't end the way it did. It felt too much like fan-service, not every ending has to be happy in that sense.

Stef Out x

Book Review: That Secret You Keep by Brenda Benny

Ebook provided by NetGalley for review. Thank you.

A really sweet book that flowed nicely and had likeable main characters. It tells the story of shy Max and his long term crush on Serena who is consumed with grief and guilt following the death of her mother in a car accident.

A big hurdle to their relationship is Max's general inexperience around girls thanks to 2 dads and a gay best friend with whom he used to be very close - a point I wish could have been explored further - however their relationship developed steadily and was overall very sweet.

I wish we could have learnt more about Hayden and Vanessa, in general the backing characters could have used some more fleshing out. Also we had Max debating whether he was actually straight - thanks to his dads and his past with Hayden - but I think Brenda missed an opportunity here to make him bisexual. We need more bi characters in fiction and bi men in particular get a bad rap but I can also understand not wanting to be too controversial with a debut novel. All in all I quite liked the book but it was just missing that spark to make it a 5.

Stef Out x

Blogtober Day 20 - A Letter To Your Younger Self.

Dear 10 year old Stefanie,

You may think things are a bit rubbish at the moment, your best friend moved away, you broke up with your other best friend, you're scared about Secondary School but don't worry.

You will make good friends in the future and eventually in the years to come one of them will be your girlfriend. Yep, you're gay. Really you/we are a bit of an idiot not to have figured it out sooner what with liking unavailable guys and being friends with the weird guys - believe me they are weird, but also kinda awesome. One guy you never thought you'd be friends with because he's *gasp* disabled but you are totally compatible and even have a crush on the same actress from Home and Away - Tammin Sursok. We spend hours Googling pictures of her in a bikini rather than doing our Travel and Tourism coursework - hence why we fail XD

Tammin Sursok

School is generally a bit rubbish. You have a few issues with bullies. One of those is actually your 'friend'. She's a manipulative bitch. The other girl in the trio you're still friends with, she's alright and mum likes her. Your mum has very good instincts regarding your friends, you should listen to her. The saddest thing about the bullying is that you miss a lot of school, get behind and fail some exams meaning everything is delayed by 2 years while you pass them. You wanted to do A-Levels and then go on to do more at college and maybe even University. As it turns out you manage no A-Levels and only a year at college and you're still bitter and annoyed about it. You could have been doing so much more. *Sigh* that's the way it is sometimes.

Despite your fears about it you are never bullied for being gay although that rumour about your mum is slightly gross, weird and frustrating. It's always been the fat. You're still fat but it's not a big deal anymore. Overall what I'm trying to say is you end up feeling better about a lot of stuff. Sure life didn't turn out how you expected but it's not necessarily bad, just difficult sometimes. You aren't suicidal anymore - yeah that happened around age 14/15? The thoughts do pop up occasionally but you are stronger and you deal with it better.

Keep your chin up kid.

Sincerely,

24 year old Stefanie

Blogtober Day 1 - Introduction

I have decided that in order to try and get some blogging regularity I am going to attempt to do a challenge. Natty Nikki's Blogtober challenge to be precise.

It's quite apt that day one is titled Introduction since as some of you may have noticed I recently changed my blog name and URL. The old one was Musings of an Alternative Mind which is something that I wasn't happy about even then but I knew I wanted to start a blog and thought I'd come back to it later. Bulletproof Scarecrow is something that I'm not really sure where it came from. It's also my Tumblr URL. I think it's partly inspired by the My Chemical Romance song "Bulletproof Heart" and partly the fact that I kind of see my fashion style as a Hippie, Goth, Steampunk, Mori combination equaling Alternative Scarecrow. That's a work in progress name XD.

As for a general introduction: I'm Stefanie, I'm 24, and I live in North Somerset with my mum and my cat. I was long-term unemployed for about 5 years (last worked December 2009) but I've just got a part time cleaning job for 10 hours a week. It's not much but it's progress. As for my love life I am gay and forever alone - or at least that's the way it seems *rollseyes*.

So I'm not going to be doing every post for Blogtober but I'll try and do at least some. I have Instagram but not on my phone at the moment (no memory space) and I don't have a make-up bag. I have a make-up box though which I might showcase another time, I don't have a favourite recipe so I'll probably be back for day 5. See you all then. Have a bit of "Bulletproof Heart" for your ears enjoyment. :)

Bisexuality in the Media

Look a wild blog post appears O_O

It's so refreshing to see a character on TV who is truly bisexual. I'm talking about Nolan Ross on Revenge. I originally thought he was straight as he flirted a lot then he had a one-night-stand with crazy Tyler and I thought OK, maybe he's gay? Or it could be a power thing? Not a lot happened relationship-wise for a while. Enter Padma the new CFO of Nolcorp. They started off disliking each other, then tolerating and then became closer and now are in a relationship. Then in the latest UK episode it's a flashback to November 2006 and Nolan is planning on spending Thanksgiving with his boyfriend, then CFO Romero thus confirming Nolan as bisexual.

Usually on TV bisexuals are females who fit 1 of 2 categories: 1) girls who kiss other girls while drunk for the attention of guys or 2) girls who have a fling with a friend which is then forgotten about for all eternity. An example of 1 is on Alphas and Nina kissing Rachel for power, control, humiliation (Rachel has super-senses which makes anything physical very uncomfortable) and to excite her boyfriend. Examples of 2: We have Emmerdale and Debbie and Jasmine, Jasmine was likely gay and loved Debbie to the point that she went to prison for her but Debbie hasn't shown any signs of bisexuality since. Neighbours had Lana and Sky, Lana was gay and she and Sky became close and even kissed but Lana left due to homophobic bullying before anything more could happen. Lip Service had Tess who was gay with Lou who was bi-curious and way secretive and selfish in the relationship. Glee has possibly Quinn, I stopped watching after Santana's disastrous coming-out (I watched the whole episode with a disgusted look on my face and said never again) but I have read recently that she and Santana slept together probably as a one-time thing, alcohol may have been involved.

Speaking of Glee they also have the only other faithful portrayal of a bisexual that I can think of in Brittany. She had fun with Santana, dated Artie, dated Santana properly after she came out as a lesbian (or rather after Finn outed her >.<) and since she's been dating Sam which is a fairly even divide. Also it was actually Santana that ended their relationship due to long-distance otherwise they may still have been together.

Granted these examples may just be the shows that I watch. For example I know that there is at least one bisexual character in The L Word but having never watched the show (bad lesbian I know) I don't know how accurate her portrayal is in terms of behaviour male/female relationship ratio etc.

But of course how can bisexuals be taken seriously in the media when for the most part they aren't taken seriously in life. Seen as greedy, kinky, weird and slutty. Snobby lesbians won't date female bisexuals as they've slept with men and men just think threesomes and fantasies. Girls think bisexual guys are gay but lying and guys think they're just confused about what they want. Then you have so many articles online or in magazines "My husband is gay" well surely if you think you're gay but end up marrying a woman and have a happy relationship then you are bisexual... Sexuality is fluid. Despite the B in LGBT+ bisexuals are largely ignored by both the gay and straight communities. Still hopefully as attitudes towards non-straight people improves maybe bisexuality will be accepted more.

Also you have people that use bisexual as a stepping stone sexuality. I know I did. I originally thought I was bisexual so I identified myself as such but the more I thought about it the more I realised I am gay. Calling yourself bisexual also helps soften the blow when coming out to parents. Bisexual means grand-kids are still on the card (not that being gay means you can't have a family but I think lack of grand-kids is a popular concern for parents of gay adults) and you can give them time to the idea of you being not straight, maybe bring home a same-sex partner. Maybe several and then after a while say actually, mum, dad, I am gay, not bisexual. It's a tricky thing. The term works as a stepping stone but at the same time it devalues the word for actual bisexual people which makes it harder for them to garner acceptance.

As for me? I have friends of all corners of the spectrum that I love dearly, gay, trans*, bisexual, pansexual, straight... And my first (and so far only) girlfriend is bisexual and I didn't have a problem with it.

Identity...

People have been talking a lot lately on various blogs about identity and it's made me wonder what is mine? Appearance-wise anyway. I already know my sexuality (homoromantic demisexual - feel free to ask more about this or visit this site: http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Main_Page which has a wealth of information on everything in the asexual spectrum), I know I like an odd mix of music: rock, goth, metal, cheesy pop, 80s, sometimes stuff that doesn't fit into any category e.g. Brian Froud's album of Faerie music. I also know I like darker colours and imagery. Colours: black, purple, blue, red, deep green, teal. The only light colours I like are light blue, lilac and turquoise. Pink attracts me sometimes but it needs to be bright and in your face.

Imagery: graveyards, skulls, bats, rats, horror movies, flowers, rainbows, love, peace, supernatural themes - vampires, werewolves, monsters, zombies, ghosts. I like a lot of stuff that could be attributed to Goth, but also a lot of stuff that could be attributed to Hippie/Bohemian.

My Style by somersetraven featuring stripe socks

I decided to do a quick Polyvore to show what I mean. OK there is a lot of Goth imagery I like but there are also things in there which are more Hippie/Bohemian. And of course rainbows because they're pretty and also Pride FTW! XD As it stands currently my style is well... Not a lot. Fat stuff. I am a UK size 26/28 which means I'm limited in what I can buy that fits my style. Moonmaiden.co.uk do custom sizing but I'm unemployed and can't justify paying £50 for a skirt. So that means I'm limited to what I can find in the charity shop where I volunteer. I still try and stick to darker colours and suchlike but none of is obviously Goth or Hippie-ish.

However in 2013 I am hoping to start losing weight (seriously anyway, I've lost a bit lately. About a stone, it was a stone and a half but I've put the half back on through Winter gorging. Oops. Once I lose weight I will find it easier to find cheap clothes in my size and that match my desired image. The biggest change eventually will be my hair.

This is the most recent picture of me. Taken for Spirit Day this year in honour of those who have committed suicide due to homophobic bullying (oddly one of the few things I wasn't bullied about, my weight was my main target, I came out as Bi when I was 16 but it was never an issue and I later realised that actually I'm Gay so...). My hair is actually a little bit shorter at the moment as I had it cut for Christmas. My plan for 2013 is first of all to get a job, second to lose weight, third to get my tattoo covered (I like it but it was really badly done). My idea for my hair is to cut it short again once or twice. Then if I have a job by then shave it in the summer for my birthday and then start growing it out with the aim of in 2014 (when it's long enough) getting it dreadlocked. It's something I've wanted for years but seeing Amy of Bohemian Bloomers take the plunge has really made me resolve to actually do it but I do need to work myself up to it.

Anyway I think I've said all I want to for today and this post is getting pretty long so I'll see you in another few months or whatever XD.

*Stef Out*